I’m feeling quite happy today as I begin writing up this week’s Feature Friday blogpost. I’m happy with the choice I made and wrote about here on the blog, 2 weeks ago, to schedule my blogposts for bi-monthly publication, after a year’s worth of (near-)weeklies.
With my “extra” time designated for personal writing, I doubled my word-count output, just as I’d hoped. Not only that, I was able to work a few additional, client projects into this month’s calendar that I wouldn’t otherwise have had time to complete. This result is an example of what can happen when you make adjustments, or even radical changes, to an established routine or status.
Stone Tower - WIX Stock Photo
Sometime in the late 1980s, a colleague (let’s call her Althea) — who worked in the same building, where I managed a retail pharmacy in downtown Seattle — would complain to me regularly that she couldn’t find a “nice” guy to share her life with her. She said that everyone she met, currently, never seemed to have the appropriate characteristics. Not only that, she said, she really didn’t have the time to go out of her way to meet anyone who might have compatible interests.
It’s true that Althea wasn’t meeting any highly eligible men who were looking for long-term commitments, and nor did she have much free time to pursue outside interests where she might meet new people during shared activities.
It wasn’t because she worked too much, though. She had an 8-to-4 office job and no classes on the side. The real issue for Althea, I thought, was that because she didn’t make room in her life for a great guy, he couldn’t really show up. Or stay, if he did.
You see, Althea had a “friend,” whom she dated casually. She considered it a casual situation, anyway, but he, Cyd, was always hanging around. He called all the time, he showed up at her place to see if she wanted to go out, or to stay in and watch TV. He took up most of her “free time.” He either wanted “more” from their relationship, or he was just lonely and Althea filled a need.
Hearing this, you might think, “Well, great. She’s got a guy — maybe she should just get serious about Cyd and quit looking. Poor dude. Isn’t he eligible?”
The thing is, he wasn’t all that nice. He talked negatively about, and often to, other people. He bummed a lot of money from Althea when they went out. He frequently was late or stood her up altogether when they were supposed to meet somewhere, but because they were “only friends,” she often dismissed his inconsiderate behaviors. Whenever they were out in public together, other men seldom approached her to talk, assuming she was “involved” with Cyd. And Cyd, not-so-nice-guy that he was, would double-up the laughy-affectionate repartee with Althea if another man should happen to start looking her way; he didn’t want to lose Althea’s generous companionship to anyone else. They’d been hanging out together since high school, after all.
Cyd filled up most of the space required by the man Althea was hoping to meet and, eventually, marry.
I did not suggest to Althea that she completely dump Cyd as a friend, but I did recommend she hang out with him a little less often. After only a little bit of thought along these lines, she registered for a weekly, community college course in photography (without inviting Cyd to attend). She didn’t “pick up” another guy from the class, though she did take to going out after class for a drink with several classmates to further talk about cameras, film, and photography roadtrips. Althea spent gradually less time with Cyd and more time with new friends, and she did finally meet the man she went on to marry.
Is there a lesson for writers in this story?
I’m not suggesting you dump your friends so you have more time to write. I’m merely remarking that sometimes we need to make room in our lives for the people and activities we desire to be involved with. If there’s something you want, but aren’t getting (or doing), first take a look at all the things that currently fill up your time and space and figure out which and what you might be able to cut back or out, without too much pain. Even an extra hour or two for research, writing, or revision can give you great satisfaction.
Of course, this solution can apply to so many things in your life. Try to keep making some space, big or small, so there’s always a way to maneuver for new or more or different. Just like you should always make sure you leave a little room in your pockets to bring home a few seashells or unusual stones from your trip to the beach or forest.